The AA Tom Swifty
By Mel B.
Volume 20 Issue 3
If you’ve noticed cross currents of wind sweeping in every direction recently, it’s probably the result of the Tom Swifty fad that’s kept everybody busy thinking of clever adverbial endings.
You’re the proud creator of a Tom Swifty when you’ve thought up just the right adverb to give a simple statement a ridiculous double-meaning.
You probably know how the game goes: “I think I’ll camp here tonight,” said Tom tentatively.
If Tom Swifty were an AA member his drinking history might sound like this:
“I was mainly a beer drinker,” remarked Tom, stoutly.
“I’m strangely attracted to AA,” said Tom magnetically.
“AA is one in a thousand,” declared Tom, grandly.
“Now that I’m sober, I’ve finally been able to buy a decent pair of trousers,” laughed Tom, pantingly.
“I kept having blackouts,” said Tom, forgetfully.
“And then I start getting arrested after every bender,” said Tom, captivatingly.
“I drink too much, too often, and too long,” stated Tom, superlatively.
“My drinking got so bad I sold the wheels off my car,” Tom said, tirelessly.
“I’ve been in AA for six months now,” announced Tom, drily.
“There I was, on Chicago’s skid row in the dead of winter without an overcoat,” sighed Tom, icily.
“I was also a terrible woman-chaser,” admitted Tom, broadly.
“Since I couldn’t even afford a haircut, I looked like a St. Bernard half the time,” said Tom, dogmatically.